We’ve had an eventful couple of weeks, some of which I can’t remember if I have written about or not. If I repeat myself, forgive me.
Last week we were visited by several friends from out of town. My friend, Carrie, and her boys (and mother) came down and stayed at my mother’s house (only a few houses down from mine) so we got to see them a good bit. Carrie and I have been friends essentially our entire lives. Our mothers are longtime friends, and believe it or not even our grandmothers were friends. At this point they all just feel like extended family.
One of Carrie’s sons has a rare disease called Tuberous Sclerosis Complex (TSC), a genetic disorder that causes tumors to form all over the body. Carrie and her son spend a lot of time at the doctor and have navigated the world I now refer to as the “sick kid universe”. She has obviously dealt with this world for much longer than I have, and to be honest it was quite refreshing to see someone living a “normal” life with a sick kid. There are so many days I wake up and wish my life was back to normal…because I guess I haven’t quite come to terms with the fact that this is my new normal.
I had another friend in town, also, named Holley. I wouldn’t say she has been so much my friend as she has my husband’s. They went to school together and have known each other for years, although admittedly they were never very close. Holley reached out to us while we were in Birmingham, brought us lunch, and let us know she had been praying for us. She has a daughter close in age to Annadelle and ironically enough they even look similar, almost as if they could be cousins. Holley told me before that when we were going through the worst of it, she would look at pictures of Annadelle and see her daughter, and obviously felt terrible for us. She has been keeping up with our story since inception and told me during a recent lunch date that she has felt a strange connection to us throughout all of this.
I don’t believe believe we meet people by mistake; I know that God places people in our lives to mold us, shape us, and guide us. We learn from everyone we encounter whether or not the experience is positive or negative- it’s still a learning experience. I think God brought Holley to us as a prayer warrior.
If you think I’m nuts, that’s cool with me. I know it sounds crazy when I jump on the Jesus train, but if you only knew the things I have seen happen with my own eyes since October 1, 2018 you may feel differently. I quite literally saw miracles happen right in front of me, like when I watched Annadelle struggle to breathe. Every breath was agony for her, her skin purple and her eyes bulging, with doctor after doctor trying to prepare us for the worst. Then I sat down on a little metal stool next to her while she had her first MRI and held on to her foot so that she could know I was there. I put my head down and felt tears stream down my face and off my nose as I prayed the same prayer over and over again, begging God to save her.
And I’ll be damned if she didn’t come out of that MRI machine breathing on her own, stunning every doctor and nurse in the room.
I have felt God’s presence over my family so many times since our story began. Like the disciples of Jesus, I saw the miracles happen. I read the red letters, just as they heard them. I know the promises. I have the faith.
But have you ever wondered what they felt on that Saturday? You know which one I’m talking about- the day after the crucifixion. Jesus performed miracles as his disciples were there to witness and heard him say he would return. As he died on Friday they knew he would return, but don’t you ever wonder if they doubted it on Saturday?
That’s me at this exact moment. I know the promises, but I feel stuck in the never-ending Saturday. Life is just in limbo. I’m (not so patiently) waiting for what is next, for the big reward.
This is what I spoke with Holley about in detail at our lunch date. I held back tears as we chatted, although I know she wouldn’t fault me had I let them fall. She knows I needed the talk and the reassurance that Sunday is coming.
Fast forward to today. Our friends have all returned home and we’re continuing life in Orange Beach. Going to therapies, doing some school shopping, and just living. There are many days I doubt the promises, but I’m working to keep faith.
Then today I get a little reminder from God after having Annadelle spend a little time on her tummy on a mat that Holley bought her. She wants to get up on the couch with me and I tell her to climb up there. She laughs as she prepares her legs to get her knees under her, then I help her a bit with her arms as she pushes her legs up into “tall kneel”.
She hasn’t done that before.
Y’all, I cried. I laughed and clapped and cried. I wish I could have taken a snapshot of the smile she gave me, like she was so proud of what had just happened and the realization set in that she could do it. It wasn’t perfect, but it was that little push we needed to know that everything is going to work out in the end.
She will walk again; I can feel it.